Good bye :(.

Packing was a bitch. I have 1 trunk, 1 duffel bag, 1 suitcase, and a backpack full to the brim. I'm never traveling after this whole camp shindig... And I'm so nervous about camp, I can't even sleep. We're leaving in... 5 or so hours since I have to be at camp by a certain time. How lovely. I'm really going to miss my mom though. She's like a best friend to me. She's honestly the only friend that I have that I can confide in. I guess some people might think that's weird. I'm really going to miss her :(. But she says she'll write me a lot and update me on things. Anyways....

Au revoir!

Never Seeing The Old Man Ever Again? What? Pourqoui?

So lessee... Loads of bunches of shit happened today. I was forced by my lawyer and my mom to call up my dad and say "Hi, it's Shannon. I'm fine." and that would be fine. 1) I haven't talked to him for the past couple weeks, and wasn't looking forward to speaking to him 2) He would probably be pissed off, as always it seems and 3) I felt that I needed more time and space to think. I was instructed to wait till my mom got home to call him, and I did. The first call he didn't admit he had a drinking problem... he didn't say he was sorry for coming to our house blasted... and he didn't just overall assure me of anything. He basically just asked questions that I wasn't at all prepared to answer and really just put me in an awkward and uncomfortable position.

The first call was alright... but then he called back and heasked me if I wanted to see him any time soon... and I said "I would if you weren't drunk, since for the past weeks, I haven't had that experience." Then I said that I had to go and he hung up on me... Which led me to start crying because, honestly, I just want this all to go away. And it's way waaaay too much for a girl of my age, 14, to be dealing with this type of shit, and I don't think that anyone would disagree with me. Because he upset me so much, my mom has resolved that he's not going to have any visitation with me... So until I'm 18, I won't get to see him and at this point, I could give less than a shit. If anything, during that phone call he should've been really nice and comforting, but instead he just made me feel guilty and bad about all of this.

Off to Ze Poconos on Sunday since all the hotels are book for tomorrow night :(. I'll have loooooots of labeling to do!

Hello out there in blogger land, It's becoming to be a really stressful time for me at the moment. Not only have I had to endure yet another Happy-Go-Lucky Drunken Moment with my dad, but now he's taking my mother to court this Friday to change his visitation rights. Apparently, he wants set dates where he's guaranteed to see me. I, however, do not want to see him. At least, not until he gets some help, which I don't think he'll ultimately do. It looks like I'll inevitably be forced into seeing him on a weekly basis because the courts seem to always rule in favour of the bad guy. But! My mother has hired The Bulldog, who is this really big guy with a booming voice who's an ex-college football player. Yeah, he doesn't take shit. His name is Gary Davis which, to me, sounds very BullDog-esque. Though, when I first heard it, I thought of the Chelsea Handler Show with her pedophile of an Uncle who's name also happens to be Gary. Mmhmm, my mind is always on the run. This all reminds me that I must watch "Fabulous: The Story of Queer Cinema" as well as "Boys Don't Cry" and Kathy Griffin: Allegedly, of which I'll probably watch with my mother tomorrow.

Since I know yinz are all interested in my camping situation, I shall explain it in more detail! So far, we've gotten almost everything on the list except for red shorts (which are remarkably hard to find), laundry bag, and a few other things. We have gotten these really nice Jersey sheets which are soo comfy :). And looots of pajamas! I'm wearing one of them right now. I first thought there were cows scattered about it, but it turns out that it's just sheep. They still look like cows to me, though. My mom made me get these Gnome pj's, also... *le sigh*. She even said if she see's any lady bug pj's, she's going to buy them for me. I also bought this boy-cut type of underwear of which I've never worn before, but have heard that it's really comfortable, so we'll see what happens with that. I found this huge silver grey trunk that I'll lug everything up to the Pocono's Mountain with. Oh! If you know where the Pocono's Mountains are, being a good Samaritan and comment me any sort of help directions to get there from Harrisburg or Pittsburgh -- it would be extremely helpful :-).

Oh! I also found these really really comfy blankys that I shall take up to camp :). Since Pennsylvania is far away from the equator, it'll obviously get colder than it does here at night. Here being DC. It's really weird seeing a lot of tourists at George Washington's old house or at Thomas Jefferson's... I guess I just don't see my location as such a tourist-y spot. I'll save that topic for another time, though, since I think I've talked enough.

Just wanted to let the podcasters of the world to know that they should keep on keepin' on :-).

I'm back. Without the black :(.

So now I'm... how-you-say? a lot better, actually. I have to write a statement saying that I don't want to see or talk to my father until he goes into rehab or gets help. More power to me, I say. My mom says that you need to hit "bottom" until you realize that you want to get better and I think that's exactly where my dad is now. The restraining order was granted and is in effect for 2 weeks. The day after I go to camp (July 24th) will actually be the court date in which my mom will try for a 2 year restraining order. I doubt that's going to happen. Maybe a year at most.

Anyways, this whole week I have to go shopping for camp. Amazingly, I have to bring a *ton* of shit, and I don't know how I'm going to fit it all in :(. Just as well. I actually got my Camp Oneka care packet which has a lot of useful information. There's even a couple pages on homesickness. O' course, I won't have to worry about that since my mom will go all crazy and send me thousands of pictures of all of our animals, and my cousins. Great. On the bright side, you can have sooo much fun with my mom. She can make going to the grocery store an adventure. Maybe that's just her and my combination of humour and insanity :). Mixes well, I suppose. I'm going to end it there since I know I've written far too much.

Oh! And SOOO much apologies to my long-as-hell replies to the podcasts that I respond to! I don't mean to write so much but... I just get all excited and write feverntly and... blah! At least you get positive-ness outta me, right? :D.

Okay, I know no one reads this... which what makes having a blog so much fun :-). Who knows? Maybe I'll use it as evidence for something. Like on Monday when my mom and I go to the circuit court to put a restraining order on my ex-dad. Oooh, what fun! Anywho, I don't feel like ranting about my family life... I'd rather rant about my new Main Gay. Scratch that -- my *only* gay guy friend. It's embarrassing... Being lesbian, but not attract other gay people. I just attract straight ones! Intolerable. He's awesome though. He was showing me how to put this "potion" into my hair, and he did it in such a... such a... "Queer Eye for the Gay Girl"-esque way. It was fabulous. Speaking of the F-word, so was my hair. It's all curled at the bottom and layered... So nifty :-). So not me at the same time. Eh. In a week it'll look good.

I Am Obsessed With GSN! It's the best TV station evAR! There's always shows on that are entertaining. Like Lingo. Or Who Wants to be a Millionare?. Tres fab. And thank heavens Big Brother has started back up again.. My sanity may be slipping back, now. If only, if only.

So I'm going to this camp in two weeks. It's an "all girls" one, Christianity not included. Thank God. The last thing I need is to be converted. I just thought it interesting that my mother would allow me to even go to an all-girl camp. I mean... 8 girls in a tent... A lesbians dream! Only not this lesbian. I could care less about girls. Or boys. Maybe I'm asexual? Wouldn't that be something. Hunh.

My friends always joke with me that I'm a closeted straight girl. I'm afraid they actually may be right. Hard as I might, I just don't seem to be looking at girls as often as I maybe should be. I think I look more at boys, in fact. Oy. I'm mucho confused. Maybe I like the idea of being a lesbian and being with a girl... but I don't at the same time. Sometimes, I wish things were just a tad bit simpler. Hopefully I'll figure myself out at the camp.

Hum.. writing here is very much theraputic.. Okay. So... I'm in Pennsylvania right now, with family. It's all dandy and such. I just walked over a mile up and down the neighbourhood, and now my heels are bleeding. It's 'cause I didn't wear any tenners. Bleh! I like my lace-less converses :D. But they hurt my poor little feet oh-so much. Oy.

Well now my mom has called her lawyers and the Virginia Circuit Court, etc. to try and put an "emergency restraining order" on my dad. Do I want this? Do I want something else? Do I never ever wanna see my dad again? It's all so very confusing. I think my mother assumes that I automatically just hate my dad after all that he's done. And I suppose I have good enough reason to. I just don't want him to do something drastic. Like kill himself. Or kill someone else. Or get drunk and drive his truck off of a cliff. But whenever I mention this, my mom just gives me a weird look and says all these bad things about my dad that supposively justify what she's doing. Hell, she can do whatever she wants. Sometimes, I think he would've been easier had he died or something. It would've been easier.. But life's not meant to be easy, is it?

Okay, so I really was looking forward to keeping up a blog and such, but certain circumstances have made me... not be able to start one. To make it short and simple. Ex-Dad come's a-drunken and a-knocken on our door. Mom gets pissed, threatens to call the cops. Dad gets angry, calls the cops as well. Two cops come, they give dad one of those drunk-test-things. Cops make Dad give Mom his car keys, he's forced to go home. Mom and I go to Blockbuster. We get back. Dad is in the yard, spewing "give me my fucking keys". I get scared. Mom and I go inside the house, call cops. They come, do the drunken test again. Dad ends up being arrested. Mom and I flee to a hotel so we won't have to see him come back to get his truck.

Because of alllll that, I now have to go up to Pennsylvania in fear of him. *Ce sigh* I'm sure this'll build my character, or at least I'll learn a valuble message from all this. As of now -- life sucks. ... That's a bit over-dramatic... Oh well.